In the digital world, we all are very well aware of the word “ghosting” and we often associate it with romantic relationships but hardly we ever imagine that it can also happen in friendship… .until it happens to you and when it happens it is unbelievably painful. In romantic relationships, we often are aware that it may or may not “work out” but for friends we always believe that is it for life, Best Friends Forever. When friendship breaks, we start to question everything, our own individuality, our own existence, the time we spent, all the memories, all the conversations, everything feels hollow and insignificant as if whatever we have invested in terms of our emotions, time and feelings had no value at all and it can be quite painful. These feelings along with a sense of betrayal, anger, self-doubt and anxiety can wreak havoc in our mind, body and soul. Data shows approximately 50% to 84% of people, depending on their generation, get ghosted by their friends and this is often not discussed openly.
Friendship ghosting can result in feelings similar to grief, a sense of loss that can take you on the same path of grieving process, similar to the loss of a loved one which can be overwhelming. If you were ghosted when you needed your friend the most, the grieving process and intensity can be much higher but there is always something to learn from the situation and there is always help and support that one can take to get over the feelings and start to enjoy life again. With coping skills, mindfulness and awareness one can get back to feeling normal much quicker rather than struggling alone and in silence.
Strategies that help in coping with the emotions.
1. Realisation. Often, we find it very difficult to accept that a friend, especially a best friend, has ghosted you. Things get worse if the friendship has lasted decades and you may have shared your most personal and intimate details with the friend. In any case, sooner one realises what has happened, the better it is for you.
2. Feel the feeling. Once you accept that you have been ghosted, let all the feelings run its course. These feelings will be similar to feelings of grief. You may go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance which will ultimately lead to peace.
3. Talk it out. Talk to a trusted person, another friend, family member or a mental health professional and process those feelings. It is important to let the feelings get out of the system safely. If you keep bottled up within, it can be extremely harmful for you on a physical and metal level. We all know that bottled up emotions can manifest in many different illnesses. From digestive issues, aches and pains, migraines, muscle tensions, cardiovascular issues, fatigue to immune system dysregulations, the emotions can affect entire physiology and psychology if not handled in a safe manner. Seeking help is crucial.
4. Indulge in extreme self-care and self-love. Give yourself time to rest, relax and recover. Do not think too much about “Why this happened”, “Why me”, “How could he/she do this to me”, “What did I do wrong”, “How could I have saved this friendship” etc. because these questions are futile and will only keep your mind in the never-ending loop. This is the exact loop that you need to get out of.
5. Don’t vent on social media. Social media is extremely damaging if emotions are all over the place. Don’t check their social media profile or their past messages and photos. It will make your recovery longer and more painful. Following digital detox regimen will give your mind much needed break, clarity and space which will help in faster recovery.
Once you have indulged in enough self-care and feel stable, you can then see things in a different perspective and realise that not everyone has the capacity to handle things and maybe the friend is not ready to give you the kind of support, help or time due to their own priority and that is OK. It is important to cherish the good times and memories and not feel sad that it is now over because life does not end with one person. When we decide to move on, we open doors to more opportunities, people and experiences if we learn to let go of the past and make space for newness. By clinging on to the old, we can never experience the new. It is also important to understand that everyone changes and sometimes people change and deal with circumstances based on their values, capacity and attitude which may be completely different from ours and we have to accept and respect their choices and decisions. Ultimately, we realise that life is transient, short and still beautiful and there are always enough people in our lives who cares about us and we only need to shift our focus from who no longer serve us to the one who are there for us and this can lead to feelings of blissfulness and peace that can be life changing and one day when we look back at those “hard” times and see things in clarity with right perspective, we laugh at it. That’s life. With all the colours, experiences, ups and downs, it keeps going and keeps teaching us and those lessons if we understand, makes us the person who we are meant to become and sometimes those lessons, even though they may be hard but they are essential. Until you reach that point, keep calm, carry on and keep your focus on positive possibilities and experiences and you can get through anything in life. We all have enough capacity within ourselves to overcome any difficulties only if we decide to and if we believe in it firmly. With the right kind of support and guidance, we all can overcome the emotionally draining situations and live life again with a positive outlook. Life is too short to grieve, live in the past and be unhappy so get the help and start living again joyfully.
Parul Rana 